


FRUITY

by lacerations



Category: Death Note, Death Note: Another Note
Genre: Bananas, Crack, Fruit, Gen, M/M, Spooning, human food transform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 15:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1554614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacerations/pseuds/lacerations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobey Maguire/Satan feels like a smoothie, so he decides to have a bit of fun and turn some people into fruits. </p><p>"The world is rotting," thought Light.<br/>"I am nicely curved," thought L.<br/>"Green," thought Near. "I am green."<br/>"The fuck," thought Mello.<br/>...</p>
            </blockquote>





	FRUITY

L the banana spooned Light the lemon. Near the pear leaned on Mello the pineapple.  
"Fruity!" said the watcher of the fruit bowl, a baby with a 5 word vocabulary taught by its weirdo uncle that hated it (shit, fuck, cunt, wank, fruity)

"This world is rotting," thought Light, who always thought this, even when he was in a good mood. He had taken in his stride his sudden transformation into a citrus.  
"I am nicely curved," thought L.  
"Green," thought Near. "I am green."  
"The fuck," thought Mello, checking out his new bod which was significantly less sexy than his old bod.  
"Wank," said the baby, climbing onto the table and laughing at the fruits.  
"What did you call me." Mello seethed, unable to attack the baby with his pineapple-spikes. 

\----

The four, plus about six others that are yet to be mentioned, had been turned into fruits by Tobey Maguire/Satan.  
"I suppose you are wondering why I have turned you into fruits," Tobey said, walking into the kitchen. He picked up his baby nephew and placed it on the windowsill to look out at the nice sunny day.  
"All I can say is that it's for your own good." And he went outside to garden.  
"He is drowning those plants," thought Near who had a good view of the petunias in the garden. 

"Hmmm," said L and Light and Near and Mello after Tobey had left.  
Then Light began to speak.  
"Even though I'm a fruit now, I still see the world for how it is. It is rotting, dying - just like us. My lemon skin will not always be this fresh and lovely. L, you'll bruise. Near will become mush one day and as for Mello, I don't know what happens to pineapples when they get old but it's probably not good. Indeed, clearly this fruit bowl is but a metaphor for -"  
"Raito-kun," interrupted L, wanting Light to notice his curve. Light noticed his curve and gasped.  
"I am green," said Near, disturbed by the colour. He urged to stack some dice but there were none.  
"Let's kill Light," said Mello.

\----

Mikami the dragon fruit was stuck in the fridge with Matsuda the durian.  
"You smell unpleasant," he said coldly.  
"I know," whined Matsuda, cowering. 

\----

BB the strawberry was alone on the floor. He had always wanted to be a banana. Buxom Banana. But L had to be the banana. Fucking L. Who has thrown me on the floor? thought Beyond, thirsting for revenge. 

\----

Misa Misa the raspberry was turning sour quickly, despite her youthful appearance. Locked in a small tub with 28 other raspberries, she felt like she was not getting the attention she deserved. Where was Raito? She missed him so. 

\----

Tobey returned, having drowned all his plants, and found that his baby nephew had fallen off the windowsill and landed on the floor on a strawberry. Was that - yes. It was Beyond Birthday, now squashed. Oh well. Tobey picked up Beyond and put him into the blender. Then he gathered up L and Light (who were still spooning) Near and Mello (who were both upside down in the fruit bowl for some reason), Mikami (in the corner to get away from Matsuda) and Misa (who was crying raspberry tears) and added them as well. He couldn't be bothered peeling them or anything so he just chucked them in.  
"Un?" said Matsuda, upset at being forgotten.  
"Durian… urgh," muttered Tobey, pinching his nose, leaving Matsuda in the fridge drawer. Should I add the baby? he wondered suddenly. But the baby wouldn't fit in the blender.  
"Damn it." 

\----

16 minutes later…  
Tobey drank his smoothie and bopped his baby up and down on his lap.  
"Fruity!" they said in unison.


End file.
